However, there are some simple ways to help your child understand the difference between tattling and alerting a grownup when an important rule is being broken. We should always keep in mind how illogical this may seem to young children when we start thinking a child should intuitively know when to tell and when not to tattle.Ī child who has been drilled to follow rules takes them very seriously, leading them to tattling on friends and siblings no matter how minor the misbehavior. This leads to a complicated situation: Children need an explicit rule not to tattle on other children … and an understanding that we do want them to report some rule violations to adults. Keep in mind too that sometimes children tattle for other reasons beyond rule breaking, such as getting attention from grownups or because they want a peer to get in trouble. Tattling is a natural response to learning about rules, but your child can learn that it is not necessary in every rule-breaking situation. Kids may even think that they are being helpful when they tattle, and might expect praise for it. For these reasons, kids usually believe it’s the right thing to do to tattle on kids who break the rules. Rules work well with young children because their cognitive and moral development allows for mastering a set of simple instructions, and they are motivated to receive praise from adults for following them. Tattling can become one of those rules, even if it’s a tricky one to master. So, until your child begins to develop empathy skills, guidance and rules are the most effective methods of keeping order. While empathy and perspective taking are incredibly important, these vital skills cannot be learned before a child is ready, and therefore do not govern behavior until a child is older, has internalized social mores and cares more deeply about making his friend happy. Even though your child may see that John is upset that he hasn’t had a chance to play with the toy, he will more easily understand that John should get a turn because sharing is the rule. It can be difficult for a young child to put himself in another child’s shoes and think about the way his actions affect that child.įor this reason, it’s much more effective to tell your young son that he needs to let his friend have a turn using his toy rather than explaining to him that his friend is feeling disappointed because he’d like a turn. Rules are important because kids tend to be egocentric, focused on their own experiences and perspectives.
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