Alot on mymind full#
I think I have Insomnia, I haven’t gotten a full or good night of sleep in so many years, instead of sleeping I procrastinate sleeping for as long as possible despite knowing I have to get up extremely early and will not be able to stay awake the whole day if I don’t sleep well. I feel as though my Mom tries, but she has a short temper and is VERY opiniated and disagreeing with that would not end well, too much arguing and she will force you to shut down. Whenever my ADHD or anxiety symptoms affect my house life my Mom notices and never accepts it despite knowing I have both of those and knowing quite a bit about each.
I’ve been very back and forth with my self image, some days I feel so beautiful and cute, other days I feel extremely ugly and like I just want to hide and not be seen. I’ve been noticing that I’ve been feeling overstimulated a lot recently and am unsure as to why, I have anxiety and ADHD but I’m not sure if that has anything to do with that. There’s also a girl I have feelings for but I can’t even get myself to say hello to her, I’m not the best at conversating and tend to get nervous and unsure of what too say. Recently in a game I play a lot I had made a friend, they seemed really nice at first so I developed a crush on them and idolized them, one day I went on with a alt account and told them that I liked them as a different person supposedly telling on me, after that when I next came back as myself they told me vaguely about that, once I said “weird, why would anyone say that” they’ve seemed so cold and it breaks my heart too bits in all honesty for I can’t stop idolizing them for reasons unknown and they told me randomly that they don’t like me or my very similar to me friend and every time I say hello to them they ignore me or simply say “No” I don’t know what I did wrong, I keep asking them what I did or said wrong, but they won’t tell me. Another thing is school, I can’t seem to get myself to ask the teacher for help when I really need too and I am quite behind. Sometimes I do manage to stop idolizing, and then a couple days or so later I find myself idolizing them again, I hate it and don’t understand it. Idolize people, and once I idolize them in my head, no matter how hard I try to forget about them or stop idolizing them it just doesn’t seem to work. I’ve had a lot on my mind recently and I feel it might help to just get it out, so I may ramble a bit.
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